Friday, April 26, 2013

700

BIG MAJOR RAMBLING RANT - BE FORE-WARNED

It's been a long journey now, the humble diary that held my jottings and scribblings found a voice through this blog. The blog has been responsible in many ways to give me solace, a place that has helped me find friends, some who have become such an integral part of my daily life that I don't know what will happen to me in their absence and continued support.

My short stories, my poems, my movie reviews, rants about the state of the government, cricket, jobs and salaries, friends and foes, back-stabbers and random kind strangers; this blog has been with me through all my personal highs and lows.

700 is a number - that my dear reader is the number of posts that have been published on this blog. If I were to integrate all my blogs that I have maintained all through these years those deleted those hidden and lost in the vast and complex world of cyber-space - the number would about 1500 posts.

I think I have reached a point - a point of no return - my insecurities, my fears, sins of the past are all coming back to haunt me. I am 31, perennially hunched, I can't run as fast as I used to; the champion kick-boxer's frame now looks like a disillusioned shadow of himself. My marriage has become a joke; relatives and so-called family well-wishers rub the fact with undying accuracy that I should have studied engineering, joined TCS or CTS, gone on-site and returned and married a sweet little Iyer girl after all the mandatory horoscope-matching!

I smile at their concern; knowing that none of them will ever dare to give me their daughter's hand!Old-age and ill-health of my mother - a problem that haunts me; even when at work; my mind is at home hoping that amma took her medication on time and is resting comfortably.

Everyday is a mad-rush to work; racing against time and the great system called Indian Railways ensures that every working day is ruined at the start by screwing up the train schedules. Somehow by God's grace I reach in the nick of time and life goes on!

There have been some postives as well; a house to call my own; an enviable collection of books and movies, a pet-dog of my own; who teaches me something new everyday; friends who I believe will help me in a crisis and the beautiful network of bloggers called The Chennai Bloggers Club.

There are so many different people here; each one has a special quality; have learnt so much from fellow bloggers; both young and old.Chennai Bloggers for Social Awareness and Action - seems to be a brilliant concept on paper - but things are not moving as envisaged! That does not deter me; I shall step in with renewed vigour and focus my energies on various wonderful projects that some friends have highlighted. Things will change for the better in good time :)

As every day brings a fresh set of challenges; I keep asking myself how can I make a difference to the world that I live in? can I make at least one random stranger happy today? I am not going to offer someone money; but can I buy someone a simple meal; help a blind man cross a road; or guide a foreign tourist through the maze of this city.

I have this desire to start afresh - a new perspective to LIFE - I do not want to be haunted or comforted by memories any more; I am not going to chase a dream that is never going to be real. I relax in the comfort that one can still live alone and be content.

I dreamt of an old man; who lay calm and quiet on an easy-chair; a couple of dogs lying at his feet.Suddenly there was the sound of a bell ringing and the old man rose gently and the two dogs followed suit following their master. The man walked slowly up to the door and asks 'yaar pa'. A familiar voice answers ' Naan dhan'- the door is opened and I see myself and then I realize that the old man was no one but an image of me in the future.

My dream broke the space-time continuum and I saw myself! Perhaps this is what life has in store for me.

Now after all this idle rambling; you might wonder has Mahesh finally broken his vow and if a couple of beers and a couple of generous shots of rum and vodka have gone in; or if Mahesh has smoked a joint? I assure you dear readers - "evalo dhan aasai patalum idhu yellam nadakadhu"!

I write this to let you know that this blog is shutting down!!!!!!!!!

I shall henceforth write and publish posts at http://teerthadanam.wordpress.com/

I know, I know, pudhu blogku ivalo build-upaa!

Vaazhkaiye oru vilambaram dhaney - some forgettable, some sweet and some special :)


4 comments:

Susan Deborah said...

Congrats on your new venture. My best wishes and prayers are always with you.

Big hugs, dear Mahesh.

Joy always,
Susan

mahesh said...

Dear Susan,

Thanks a lot :)

Your prayers and words of encouragement are always special.

Thanks,
Mahesh

Suresh Chandrasekaran said...

All the best Mahesh - from the man who has settled on living alone sans even the dogs :)

mahesh said...

Hi Suresh Sir,

Thanks a lot for dropping by :)

Cheers,
mahesh

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